My Magic Lantern - The Imbalance of The Bipolar

I was micro-delusional at the time I drew this. To me; the drawing represents the sad abyss we bipolars do fall into. On the other end of the spectrum, we catch fire as a phoenix would, with a renewed look at the world. We feel like something REALLY important is going to happen soon. It's the opposite of feelings of impending doom. It's not a disappointment when nothing amazing happens. I think we are just so grateful to our minds for allowing us the participatation in such a euphoric episode. That's what the flame is about. Then we have a sort of never-ending cycle of the condensation of tears. But I saw things that I never would have seen had I not reached the deep lows or the indescribable highs.

A Poem - Blue Phoenix

Blue Phoenix

You've traveled long roads

Flown over everything.
Why did you cry for so long?

How well you shove the love away.

Seeking shelter deep inside.

When will your wings unfold from the cold?

Yellow tendrils reach from blue lightning.

Cracking the thunder with your silence ending.

Screaming loneliness from your vacuous soul.

Life Takes a Sideroad - Summin' It Up

The final test and radiological review came back. The cytology of the urine sample showed no cancer cells, a most relieving conclusion. The CT Scan review came back fine, nothing but an ovarian cyst, which happens to be normal.

So, what about the repeated findings of blood cells in the urine samples? Well, the Urologist said sometimes kidneys can throw out extra blood cells. Sorry, I am skeptical, but I am willing to let the Urological studies go because I saw how healthy my bladder was, and I trust the findings of the Scan. Would I refer to this as benign hematuria? How can this be benign? That would mean it is inconsequential.

To sum it all up now, I was given a scare. In 2006 I had blood in my urine, and this year it was found again. Considering the indications of that finding and the length of time that it was going on, I thought I was going to have cancer. I do not have cancer and that completely ROCKS!

Life Takes a Sideroad - Still Not Sure But Not Urological

Well, the sample that was sent for cytology came back with blood in it, duh this has been one obvious road. What they (the people calling with results) didn't tell me and the Dr. did, is that it also came back showing inflammation. Well, that's pretty important don't ya think? So they sent a second sample to a different lab to see what kind of cells might be floating in my pee.

The CT Scan was incredibly interesting. It was a doughnut shaped machine rather than a body tube, but more like some sort of mechanical vortex. They put the contrast in my arm and I began to feel a warming sensation, like when you drink a shot of heavy liquor and the heat spreads. It doesn't last too long just like the shot. The Doctor said the CT Scan looked OK, as far as Urology goes, and made a point that Radiology will be going over it too.

The Cystoscopy was a little uncomfortable on the way in and out, but also fascinating. I could see my bladder on the monitor. It looked pretty darn healthy, and the Dr. said so.

So I am waiting for 2 things at the moment; a new cytology result from the urine sample, and Radiology's report on the rest of my abdomen.

I must say that I am glad that my kidneys, ureters and bladder are fine. It really didn't seem like that would be the case. I had so many symptoms that would indicate a kidney problem or a bladder problem, and the bleeding has been going on since 2006 as far as documentation goes. I am kinda trippin' on this positive result.