A Poem - Blue Phoenix

Blue Phoenix

You've traveled long roads

Flown over everything.
Why did you cry for so long?

How well you shove the love away.

Seeking shelter deep inside.

When will your wings unfold from the cold?

Yellow tendrils reach from blue lightning.

Cracking the thunder with your silence ending.

Screaming loneliness from your vacuous soul.

Life Takes a Sideroad - Summin' It Up

The final test and radiological review came back. The cytology of the urine sample showed no cancer cells, a most relieving conclusion. The CT Scan review came back fine, nothing but an ovarian cyst, which happens to be normal.

So, what about the repeated findings of blood cells in the urine samples? Well, the Urologist said sometimes kidneys can throw out extra blood cells. Sorry, I am skeptical, but I am willing to let the Urological studies go because I saw how healthy my bladder was, and I trust the findings of the Scan. Would I refer to this as benign hematuria? How can this be benign? That would mean it is inconsequential.

To sum it all up now, I was given a scare. In 2006 I had blood in my urine, and this year it was found again. Considering the indications of that finding and the length of time that it was going on, I thought I was going to have cancer. I do not have cancer and that completely ROCKS!

Life Takes a Sideroad - Still Not Sure But Not Urological

Well, the sample that was sent for cytology came back with blood in it, duh this has been one obvious road. What they (the people calling with results) didn't tell me and the Dr. did, is that it also came back showing inflammation. Well, that's pretty important don't ya think? So they sent a second sample to a different lab to see what kind of cells might be floating in my pee.

The CT Scan was incredibly interesting. It was a doughnut shaped machine rather than a body tube, but more like some sort of mechanical vortex. They put the contrast in my arm and I began to feel a warming sensation, like when you drink a shot of heavy liquor and the heat spreads. It doesn't last too long just like the shot. The Doctor said the CT Scan looked OK, as far as Urology goes, and made a point that Radiology will be going over it too.

The Cystoscopy was a little uncomfortable on the way in and out, but also fascinating. I could see my bladder on the monitor. It looked pretty darn healthy, and the Dr. said so.

So I am waiting for 2 things at the moment; a new cytology result from the urine sample, and Radiology's report on the rest of my abdomen.

I must say that I am glad that my kidneys, ureters and bladder are fine. It really didn't seem like that would be the case. I had so many symptoms that would indicate a kidney problem or a bladder problem, and the bleeding has been going on since 2006 as far as documentation goes. I am kinda trippin' on this positive result.

Life Takes a Sideroad - Not Sure What I Have

I have a tendency to get bloo. Circumstances can make me bloo, and my regular old DNA makes me bloo too. Well, I have something new to be bloo about. Regardless of how it comes out, I believe it is an opportunity for miracles. Miracles for me and for "you". I believe that everyone I come in contact with during my next tribulation has an opportunity for miraculous happenings.

Back in May of 2006 I had a battery of labs done, possibly for a physical. One test came back with a negative finding. Blood in the urine. My mailed results included a follow-up request for a new lab. I never followed-up. (up... up... up...)

On August 3rd, 2009, I had some baseline labs done in preparation to take a medicine for an unrelated illness. The "I never followed-up" followed-up on me. This time I followed-up. Same result, 2 more times.

I have been to the Urologist, and the next steps are not pleasant. I will be having a CT Scan with contrast via I.V. Then, immediately following, a Cystoscopy. First off, the contrast is going to feel yucky. I am told this by other people that have had it done, and the P.A. that was handling my case verified my concern. Second, the idea of having a scope pushed through my urethra does not thrill me. Neither does filling my bladder with fluid so they can get a good look! I'll take sedation please?

So, since my urine cytology came back with no infection. Yay! No, wait, that just means it's something else. Something that antibiotics can't fix.

OK, maybe I have a cyst they size of a grapefruit, and it's definitely a benign cyst, because it's a cyst. Then I don't have to die or do chemo, which sounds like pretty much the same thing. OK, I hope I don't lose my entire bladder, and I hope I don't have malignant cancer, and I hope my kidneys are not failing. I think I needed to make up my mind, and I just did that. I think I needed to decide that not dying is good.

In my blooiness I have thought of death so many times that I thought having cancer would be good. Good because I would know I wouldn't die by my own hand, and I would know that it wouldn't be murder taking me. The downside being that I'm not sure I would be strong enough to fight it. I am a definite giver-upper. So... it just has to be treatable and benign.