I have a tendency to get bloo. Circumstances can make me bloo, and my regular old DNA makes me bloo too. Well, I have something new to be bloo about. Regardless of how it comes out, I believe it is an opportunity for miracles. Miracles for me and for "you". I believe that everyone I come in contact with during my next tribulation has an opportunity for miraculous happenings.
Back in May of 2006 I had a battery of labs done, possibly for a physical. One test came back with a negative finding. Blood in the urine. My mailed results included a follow-up request for a new lab. I never followed-up. (up... up... up...)
On August 3rd, 2009, I had some baseline labs done in preparation to take a medicine for an unrelated illness. The "I never followed-up" followed-up on me. This time I followed-up. Same result, 2 more times.
I have been to the Urologist, and the next steps are not pleasant. I will be having a CT Scan with contrast via I.V. Then, immediately following, a Cystoscopy. First off, the contrast is going to feel yucky. I am told this by other people that have had it done, and the P.A. that was handling my case verified my concern. Second, the idea of having a scope pushed through my urethra does not thrill me. Neither does filling my bladder with fluid so they can get a good look! I'll take sedation please?
So, since my urine cytology came back with no infection. Yay! No, wait, that just means it's something else. Something that antibiotics can't fix.
OK, maybe I have a cyst they size of a grapefruit, and it's definitely a benign cyst, because it's a cyst. Then I don't have to die or do chemo, which sounds like pretty much the same thing. OK, I hope I don't lose my entire bladder, and I hope I don't have malignant cancer, and I hope my kidneys are not failing. I think I needed to make up my mind, and I just did that. I think I needed to decide that not dying is good.
In my blooiness I have thought of death so many times that I thought having cancer would be good. Good because I would know I wouldn't die by my own hand, and I would know that it wouldn't be murder taking me. The downside being that I'm not sure I would be strong enough to fight it. I am a definite giver-upper. So... it just has to be treatable and benign.
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